Tuesday, July 29, 2008


So I had surgery last Thursday, all week mostly what I was thinking was, God, just let me live, I dont want my kids to grow up without a mom, God just please let me live, and he did :D!! Thank you God!!

So it was a Robotic Removal of Left Mediastinal Mass. Or rather an attempted total removal with an actual partial removal. Seems it is/was a mass of many cysts grown together around my vocal cords. They cut the top of it off and the side wall and compressed it. Im not even sure just what compressed it means. Its funny how they wanna tell you about your surgery right when you come out of it, I dont recall half of what they told me then, though I did discuss it a bit more with everyone later and I plan to discuss it in more detail at my follow up appointment on thrusday. I found a lovely picture of what it looks like when they insert ports? for them to insert the robotic instruments inside of you. Now this picture is obviously not of me since I dont have chest hair ;)

And here is a pic of the Da Vinci Robot in Use (again on someone other than me ;))

Its funny how you go into surgery, every one is all cheery and talking to you, showin you the robot their about to use on you, you look at the lights up above and think ohh cool, they look like flowers and then no one tells yah they are gonna put you under just yet but they do and then the next thing yah know, wham your awake and in major pain and its over....

When I first woke up from surgery I was in excruciating pain, I was jabbing the button on the hydromorophone alot more often than it would actually work ;), its a good thing you have to wait between doses to let it take effect (it takes 6 excruciating minutes to help ease the pain) cause I only actually needed two doses to feel better. And lemme tell yah at 10 times stronger than morophine, I was loving that stuff :D. When it (the pain) subsided due to self medication, I thought there was no way Id get to go home the next day as previously planned, but surprisingly robotic surgery pain subsided dramatically within 6 hours or so.

Over the next day I had to have help peeing once the decathed me :), fun to pee in portable toilet with people in the room waiting to measure your output, YUCK! I was also repeatedly checked out and prodded and annoyingly I was fed food with no sugar and no salt since I was in fact in a heart hospital with all these old people who were having serious life saving operations. I asked for salt once and they laughed and said I dont even think we have salt.

Eventually on friday afternoon they took my 3 IV's out- one in each arm and one in my neck, and lemme tell yah my wrists now look like dh and I are into some pretty kinky stuff ;). They removed my pain meds because I only needed them initally when I woke up and once more after, and eventually my blood pressure cuff and my drain. Any of you ever have a drain in your chest before? When they pull it out it feels like they are pulling a metal zip tie out of your body, very interesting feeling that, Ill never forget it I dont think.

Thank goodness I didn't wake up still intubated, though today is the first day I have all my vocal range back due to my very agrivated throat from the intubation. But after all that, I got to go home less than 24 hours after the end of my surgery :D. Im feeling better every day, though I can now feel odd "numb" areas around my left breast, the puncture channels feel almost like I have small tubes of foam inside of me, slightly swollen with some give yet some resistance. Odd to say the least.

And can you believe I have 4 puncture holes in me and NO stiches, they GLUED me shut :D.

A painful, strange and educational experience that I hope never to repeat again. Though they say it could regrow since some of its still in there wrapped around my vocal cords. If they had taken it all out its possible I would have never spoken again. I was looking forward to never having to worry about this again, its been nearly 18 months since I first found out and Im tired of thinking about it, glad to have the surgery out of the way. But it looks like Ill have to keep an eye on things, make sure its not growing, and if ever I start to have breathing issues or other "symptoms" Ill have to have surgery again. Let pray that isnt the case :)

Monday, July 21, 2008

So Gage says to me.....

So Gage and I were talking just yesterday when Ana was off at her cousins house and DH was mowing the lawn and Lex was asleep. And he says to me, "Mom, when people die, they go to Kevin to live forever right?" I just grinned a really big grin and said "Yes Gage, when we die we go to Kevin to live forever" ;)

Sunday, July 20, 2008

Your So Vain.....

Vanity, its a powerful emotion. I find myself on this get healthy journey to feel better of course, and to be healthier but lets get real here, more than anything I want to look and feel thin and sexy again. I want my prebaby body back (Yah Right ;)). I dont want to look like the mom of 3 even though Im proud that I am. I want men in their 20's to give me a second look when I walk by even though Im not interested.

Exercising and eating better have helped me to feel better tremendously already and Im still losing and feeling really GREAT about that but it has its downside too. Im losing my boobs and its so unfair. Before I had Ana I was just an small A cup, after I had her I was a C until I quite nursing, then I was a B, I was ecstatic with that but not with the extra weight I was carrying around. When I had Gage I was full D when the milk arrived and by the time he was all but done nursing I was once again a C. I was a C until I started losing weight this time and Im headed for a B already, Im PO'ed about it to say the least. If only I could pick and choose where the weight would stay and where it would go.

Butt another positive side.... When I wash my behind in the shower now, it feels like Im washin some other persons back side ;), that Im happy to see go.....

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Method Baby

Wow to the new method baby products!!! I think Im in LOOOOVE.

I was pleasantly surprised to find an alternative to the california baby line of baby products at Target last week. They were considerably cheaper plus they had very fun and appealing packaging that made me WANT to buy it, how can a person not want to buy a product called Squeaky Green :D, too cute. I was even happier when I got home with my treasure trove of products, the bubble bath, body and hair wash and the baby lotion. The smell is AMAZING, totally amazing, Im hooked and if you like to use green products, I highly reccomend these. The kid body wash is apple and smells great too plus its so easy for little hand to squeeze the bottle, what a great design!!

Wednesday, July 2, 2008

Meeting Goals

So I officially met my first set of get healthy goals today :). Ever since I had Ana and my thyroid went wacky on me Ive been at the same dang weight, 168, even when I would exercise and eat healthy I had a very hard time losing anything at all, rarley I would make it to 162 but it never lasted long even after a few months of lifestyle change that was all I could manage, it was very depressing and a big motivational killer.

But it seems I found some serious motivation latley, I might go so far as to call myself a tad exercise obsesses right now, plus Ive also found some things that work really well for me :). My ultimate goal is of course to feel and look better, I dont have a specific weight I want to be, maybe a range of say 115-125 sounds about right caues Im super short. But my first set of goals were to work at making sure there were fresh fruits and veggies in every single meal and snack that I eat because the enzymes in fresh fruits and veggies help you to digest your food more fully and quickly, letting your body use its resources to keep you healthy rather than having to produce more and more enzymes for you when you eat processed/canned/frozen foods. And to cut out the cycle of protein, veggie, starch meals. The starches are hard to give up but are real healthy lifestyle destroyer for me, Ive quite making rice and potatoes as sides and Ive stuck to it, so Im really happy about that, I treated myself to chips yesterday, thought just a few :). But more important to my motivation, I have been striving to get below that 160 mark, today I stepped on the scale and it said 159.8. Its just barley below but its thrilling to see it :D. Im proud of myself and my next goal will be 149, I think Ill pair that goal with doing situps at least 4 days a week, I HATE situps so much but Ill do it, I have to.